Heinz Might Bring Back Purple Ketchup And Suddenly It’s The ’90s Again
There were a lot of things in the ’90s that should have stayed in the ’90s, but now we’re seeing them come back again. For instance, mom jeans are back with a vengeance and they’re here to make teenagers look like they should be organizing a car pool to soccer camp. It’s unfortunate when ’90s trends come back and they shouldn’t. We thought that everybody learned that scrunchies actually are really ugly hair accessories right around the same time we all learned that Bill Clinton wasn’t acting very presidential in the White House.
But there are some things that came and went with the ’90s that we’d like to see return, like the Spice Girls. We’re happy that the fab five has reunited to give us some much needed ’90s magic back. And it turns out that purple ketchup might come back as well. You can never truly get rid of the ’90s.
There were some pretty weird foods in the 1990s. But there was probably nothing weirder than Heinz’s purple ketchup.
We don’t know why or where the purple color came from. Did they mix regular tomato ketchup with something blue?
It’s not surprising that it got discontinued. It made your French fries look like Barney the Dinosaur threw up all over them. Who would want to eat food that has dinosaur puke all over it. We sure don’t.
But purple ketchup wasn’t the only thing that Heinz made. In fact, they had a whole line of colored ketchups.
Kids already love to put ketchup on everything. You don’t need to make ketchup even more desirable for kids to eat. They’re going to buy it no matter what.
Honestly, putting green ketchup on your food is just going to make you wonder if your fries or burger suddenly grew mold. It sounds like its anything but appetizing.
Pick Your Poison
There is no food in the world that is naturally this color. Not even grapes are this purple.
We don’t even want to think about all of the chemicals and food colorings that they had to dump into ketchup in order to get it this ungodly color.
The only thing it was good for is making your food more Insta-worthy. But Instagram wasn’t a thing back when purple ketchup was on the market, so there’s just no reason for it.
If you don’t want to eat the fries in this photo, you’re not the only one.
Heinz’s colored ketchups turned out to be a pretty big food flop. The colored ketchups finally went off the market in 2006.
We’re actually kind of surprised that they made it that long. They should have been pulled from the market just seconds before they hit the shelfs. We want our ketchup to look like ketchup, not melted grape flavored frosting.
Come Back Kid
But purple ketchup might be making a come back, and it’s all thanks to one Twitter user.
On her birthday, Twitter user @TheJokerJB sent a message to Heinz. “Another year older, another year I wish they made purple ketchup again,” she posted on Twitter. She tagged the company as well.
It’s hard to believe that there are people out there who remember it. It’s even harder to believe there are people out there who actually want it, too.
Dreams Come True
It turned out that Heinz was listening to Jenna, and they responded to her Tweet.
“You never know who is listening to your wishes!” wrote the Heinz company on Twitter as they posted a photo of a purple bottle of ketchup with the words, “Happy Birthday, Jenna!” written on it.
Man, the birthday candles that Jenna blew out must have been pretty powerful in order for her to get her wish like this. Were do we get those?
So did this mean that purple ketchup was back with a vengeance? It turned out that this wasn’t the case.
Even though there are probably a ton of people who would buy it just so they could post pictures of purple fries on Instagram, purple ketchup isn’t making a comeback.
Heinz’s reply was for Jenna’s benefit only, and it turns out that they weren’t planning on bringing back the purple ketchup everybody loves to hate and hates to love.
Switching It Up
But Heinz actually isn’t sticking to making only the familiar red ketchup. They’ve been playing around with some pretty interesting combinations lately.
Heinz came out with a monstrosity known as “Mayochup.” It is what it sounds like – a blend of ketchup and mayonnaise.
In their defense, it’s pretty much just 1,000 island dressing, but calling it “Mayochup” makes it sound like something we don’t want anywhere near our burgers and fries. Thanks, but no thanks, Heinz.
Heinz also came out with a weird ketchup combination known as “Kranch.” It is – you guessed it – just a combination of ketchup and ranch dressing.
We don’t know why they did this. We’re pretty sure that nobody asked for it.
Did they suddenly get their hands on a vat of ranch dressing and have to figure out what do with it really fast? We’re looking forward to the day this joins purple ketchup in condiment heaven.
Crispy M And M's
Even though we never want to see purple ketchup return, there are some ’90s foods that we would love to make a comeback.
Does anyone remember crispy M&Ms? There have been so many different versions of classic M&Ms over the years, but these were probably our favorites.
Why would you settle for having a peanut inside an M&M when you could get all fancy and have a crispy center? These M&Ms were taken from us far too soon.
Altoids are our favorite super strong breath mint. Seriously, putting an Altoid in your mouth tastes like your freebasing peppermint.
Sour Altoids were just as sour as regular Altoids were minty. We don’t want our sour candies to be gentle with us. We want it to feel like a lemon grew arms and punched us in our face.
We get why they would take sour Altoids off the market, but we still want to see it come back.
Surge was the most x-treme soda to ever hit the markets. We’re not even sure what was in that soda.
But we’re pretty sure that whatever it was, it’s actually illegal for human consumption in at least 14 different countries.
Seriously, if you took one sip of Surge at lunch, you were bouncing off the walls for the rest of the day at school. Every parent has to be glad that they discontinued this very x-treme soft drink.
French Toast Crunch
The only thing better than eating French toast for breakfast was eating a ton of mini-French toasts for breakfast.
This cereal was discontinued in 2006, and it was a hard day for us when they took it off the shelves.
The good thing is, that if you stocked up right before they were taken off the market, the cereal boxes that you’re hoarding are probably still good. We’re pretty sure that cereal has an expriration date of never.
Planters Cheez Balls were discontinued in 2006. But the gross thing is, we’re pretty sure that we had some at a bar literally last night.
These were so delicious and cheesy and probably didn’t contain any actual cheese.
But that didn’t stop us from popping ball after ball into our mouths. They were like cheese puffs, but better, because they were perfectly round. We’re getting hungry for them just thinking about it. It’s back to that bar!
Sure, you can still get a Butterfinger these days, but it’s just not the same.
Butterfinger BB’s were like eating a regular Butterfinger bar, but they were smaller. Much smaller. The whole point is that they were bitesized.
You could satisfy your craving for a Butterfinger by eating less – in theory – but we always ended up on snacking on the equivalent of four Butterfingers when we got our fingers on a box of Butterfinger BB’s.
Technically, if you still wanted to enjoy this breakfast cereal you probably can if you get creative.
All you have to do is pour a box of Oreos and a box of Cheerios into the same bowl, add milk, and voila!
You have a combination that should probably never be eaten for breakfast because it has so much sugar in it. Seriously, who thought it was a good idea to have kids just eat a bowl of cookies for breakfast?
There are two remixes that have been taken away from us – R. Kelly’s “Ignition (Remix)” and Sprite Remix.
Regular Sprite is pretty bland. We think it’s supposed to be a vague lemon lime flavor, maybe?
But Sprite Remix was a whole different story. It has fun flavors like “berry clear” and “Aruba jam.” We don’t even know what “Aruba jam” is supposed to taste like. Papaya? All that we know is that we want to drink it.
Sure, Squeezeits were probably just sugar water mixed with chemicals. But they were sugar water mixed with chemicals in a squeezable bottle.
If you didn’t have a Squeezeit packed in your lunch when you were a child, did you even have a childhood?
We can’t imagine the 90s without thinking about this beverage. We can’t remember what they even taste like, but we were never caught not drinking one. If you were able to bottle the 90s, this would be it.
Yes, there was a time when Skittles made bubble gum. And that time came to an end in 2006.
Skittles are so chewy on their own that you could probably eat a handful and chew forever thinking that you were chewing on gum.
But Skittles Bubble Gum was meant to be chewed for a very long period of time on purpose. Legend has it that there are still kids who are working on their original wad from the 90s.
Technically, all Doritos are 3D Doritos. But these Doritos had their dimensions branded by a marketing company and then sold to us.
They were like a regular Dorito, except there was air in the middle and they were extra crunchy.
These went off the market in 2005, and now we have to settle for regular Doritos if we want to get our crunch on. We know it’s the same thing, but it’s just not as good somehow.