Proof That Office Life Is Funny (Even When It Sucks Your Soul)
Work is not fun. That’s why it’s called work. If it were fun, it would be called fun. People would say, “Bye, Honey! I’m off to go to fun now! See you when I get back at 6:00.” Or they would say, “I’ve been getting slammed at fun right now. We just got hit with a new order of parties, and we’re all scrambling to get our fun together.”
But people have ways of getting through the 9 to 5 grind that are, well, fun. You’d probably lose your damn mind if you didn’t try to make your rendition of the Statue of Liberty out of office staples every now and then. These people have office life all figured out. They know what it is, and how to deal with it in healthy (re: mischievous) ways. They can truly say that they’re going into fun, and not work.
If you have to go to the bathroom and your name isn’t Ben, then you’re SOL.
You’re going to have to go find room with your name on it somewhere in the world in order to relieve yourself.
If your name is Sharon, you’re going to have to find a door that says Sharon. If your name is Cathy, same deal but with Cathy. This bathroom is for Bens and Bens only. So get out of here, Mark!
Go With The Flow
If something is a difficult concept to grasp, it’s always easier to get if there’s a flow chart there to help you out.
Don’t understand the concept of gravity? There’s a flow chart for that. Don’t understand British history? Flow chart.
Some people just can’t understand basic human interactions. Fortunately, there’s a flow chart for that too. Imagine how much time this person saves from not having to answer stupid questions just because of this handy flow chart!
The first plan of Jurassic Park was to bring dinosaurs back to life and put them in a zoo-like park.
The second plan of Jurassic Park was to train those dinosaurs in basic office skills, like filing and spreadsheets, so they could work in the administrative offices of Jurassic Park.
It’s a really smart business plan, because it allows them to keep the costs down. Dinosaurs don’t need to get paid nearly as much as human workers, so it’s cheap labor!
If there’s a note that says “Don’t tap on the glass,” that pretty much means you have to tap on the glass.
It doesn’t matter what the consequences are. If you are upset at an aggressive pen of monkeys at the zoo, or if you are aggravated at delicate programers.
You. Are. Going. To. Tap. On. That. Glass. It’s almost like they should put a sign that says “DO tap on the glass.” That would probably stop more people from tapping.
Hey, dating in the modern age is really tough. You’ve got to be really strong to be able to do it.
If you keep on getting rejected by cans, though, you’re probably doing something really wrong in your dating life.
Like, maybe it’s possible you’re not dating the right kinds of cans. Have you tried Can Tinder in order to expand which cans you’re being exposed to? Maybe you have can friends who can introduce your to their can friends?
Post It With The Most It
Sometimes it’s Halloween and you don’t have time to go out and get a costume, so you just gotta improvise.
And sometimes you get way too many memos on sticky notes so you just got to let your rage out in a constructive way.
And sometimes you want to make a really elaborate “why did the chicken cross the road” joke, but you don’t know how to make it without using up all of the office supplies.
The latest trend in office decor is furnishing your office using up all of the office supplies in a super wasteful way.
But it doesn’t stop there. Decorating your office while on company time and using company supplies is part of the trend.
Why settle for a traditional office when you can waste everyone’s time and money while getting out of having to do your real work? Doesn’t this office look super chic and fashionable? We think so!
You can technically still eat food if it’s been on the floor for ten seconds or less.
You can also technically still eat food even if it’s been on the floor for longer than ten seconds.
All you have to do is say, “Ten second rule!” no matter how much time it’s been, and then you’re good to go. It’s the three magic words that instantly sanitizes food no matter what it’s been on or for how long.
Working in a cubicle is really rough because there’s almost no privacy when you’re trying to work.
People are always coming up to you and asking if you’ve seen the reports, or where are the spreadsheets, or if you’re excited for the weekend.
That’s not the point of a cubicle, people! The point of a cubicle is so you can watch YouTube videos while pretending to work without your boss catching you. Duh. Everyone knows that!
Sorry, but Steve Jobs is dead and we need to have more respect for one of the greatest geniuses whoever lived.
We should be able to print out photos of Steve Jobs in any size.
The man deserves it! He invented the iPhone and the iPad. Why are we printing out photos of him the same size or smaller than the iPad when he deserves so much more! He founded Apple for crying out loud!
If you believe in something strongly, you have stand up for what you believe in!
Do you want to live as a coward your whole life, or do you want to be someone who lives and dies by their principals?
You want to be someone who lives and dies by their principles! So when there’s something important at stake, you do what it takes to get your message across! You knock over that candy jar no matter what!
Who can be mad that your lousy office printer is always breaking and you can’t get any work done when Bob Marley is around?
Bob Marley makes every thing better, and that’s a cold hard fact.
If your ice cream falls on the floor, Bob Marley will make you feel better. If your dog gets sick, Bob Marley will make you feel better. If you’re out of episodes of Stranger Things, Bob Marley will make you feel better.
Hold The Phone
We understand there might be some millennials clicking through these slides who don’t understand what this foreign object is.
This ancient artifact is what primitive humans used to use to communicate with each other. It is something known as a “land line.”
A “land line” is a device similar to a phone, but in order to talk to another person, you must remain in one place tethered to the wall. And also you can’t use Instagram on it.
Okay, we get that it is important not to bother someone when they say they don’t want to be bothered.
But what if we have a question that’s not on the frequently asked question list, but it should be?
Because most frequently asked question pages don’t cover all of the frequently asked questions. It’s just the laws of statistics. There’s bound to be some that get overlooked. So is it okay to disturb someone in that case? Asking for a friend.
Having A Ball
That feeling when it’s your birthday and you have to work, but your coworkers still surprise you with a bunch of ball pit balls.
This looks really fun in theory, but in actuality most ball pit balls have been peed on by small children.
And that’s a cold hard fact. Do you know what the percentage is? 100 percent. Every. Single. One. They all have been peed on by a small child who got nervous at their birthday party.
When you know that you’re the best, you don’t settle for less, like second best, because that’s just not the best.
So, when someone does something that’s drastically below your standards, it is your duty to call it out.
Putting up with Comic Sans is how empires crumble. It’s how businesses go down. It’s how economies crash. So you don’t lower your standards. You demand perfection from everyone around you. Do you want to be thought of as “less than”?
Stiff As A Bored
Some offices have a strict “no pun policy”. There’s a three strike system for anyone who makes a pun.
The first pun, you get a warning. The second pun, you get a second warning. The third pun, you get a third warning.
You can’t really fire someone for making puns, but you can give them a strict talking to. But just know, you’re probably going to end up talking to someone who is just making puns the whole time.
Out Of This World
How much work you put into your job is all relative. And it helps to demonstrate it with a scale model.
Technically, the Earth is bigger than the moon and the moon is bigger than you, so…
…So someone doesn’t want to do their job and has to make up creative ways to get out of doing it. But who hasn’t felt like they wanted to blast off into space instead of being in the office on a Friday?
When you love something, you gotta honor it after it’s gone.
No matter what it was. Even if it was an inanimate object, it deserves a proper goodbye. That’s just called respect, plain and simple.
How would it feel if it found out that after it died you said nothing about it’s life? It would feel awful, that’s how it would feel. And if it wasn’t dead already, it would probably die all over again! Poor thing.
Do The Math
When you’re trying to motivate your employees, you have to try to be as specific as possible.
Because otherwise, they’re not going to get your point, and/or they’re not going to want to get your point on purpose.
And/or your employees will find ways to make what you meant into something you didn’t mean, and it’s only going to end up one way – with them going home super early on a Friday that you somehow agreed to.