Signs That Are Just Straight Up Confusing

By lheidi - March 25, 2019

Signs are supposed to warn us of danger. Or they’re supposed to instruct us on what to do. Or they’re supposed to give us helpful information we can use in our everyday lives. They’re not supposed to confuse us, leaving us standing there in front of them scratching our heads, wondering what they mean. The last time we checked, that was the opposite of the point of signs.

But some people clearly didn’t get the memo when it comes to signs and posted a notice devoid of any sense whatsoever. We’re still wondering why the writer wrote what they wrote on these signs. We’re going to be standing in front of them forever just trying to figure them out. Something simple, like “Slippery When Wet” or “Driver Makes Sudden Stops” would be fine. But no.

Exit Strategy


How many exits does this building have? Because if it’s one, this sign is really mean.

It’s almost like you’re trying to get people in trouble if you put this sign in front of your only exit.

You don’t need to deliberately make an excuse to ask people to leave. You can just ask them to leave. Nobody’s going to hold it against you. Because posting a sign like this is basically entrapment, and that’s super not cool.

Born To Be Wild


All children should come with a warning sign. They’re feral creatures, savage beasts unable to be tamed.

They roam wild, as is their nature. Their teeth are sharp. Their bite is vicious. You’d be better off running into a rabid dog than a child.

Children are the most dangerous creature in the animal kingdom. They look cute and cuddly, but if you get too close to them, they’ll attack you! Watch out for wild children! They’re vicious!

Look But Don't Touch


The entire point of this sign is to warn people about this sign. Think about that for a minute.

If this sign didn’t exist, we would not need this sign, but this sign could exist and we would all be just fine.

It’s almost like the Inception of signs. No sign, no need for sign, but sign means need to have sign. Wait, or maybe we’re just dreaming that we’re reading an article about confusing signs? Someone call, Leo, and make it quick!

Write And Wrong

Whoa! Did we put our heads in a hurricane? Because our minds have been blown!

We read the second line, then we went back to the first line to see if the second line was right.

We’re still not sure what we did wrong, but we’re very sorry about it. We didn’t mean to be so darn illiterate, Please forgive us, sign.  We are but mere mortals. Take us back in your life. We can change! We can!!!

That's Nuts


If you’re going to take your nuts out, for the love of everything beautiful, please don’t do it in public!

Nobody wants to see your nuts. You might like them, but not everyone else has the same opinion.

And please don’t put them in your mouth. No matter what type of nut they are. Cashews. Almonds. Pecans. Wait, what nuts did you think we were talking about? Obviously we meant tree nuts. Get your head out of the gutter!

Alarmed And Dangerous


Hey, even doors need to talk about their feelings and their problems every now and then.

If it’s scared, it’s scared and it might be helpful for the door to talk about what happened to it.

Did you even think of what this door might be going through, how it’s traumatized by what walked through it? You think it’s so easy being a door? Just opening and closing all day? Well it’s not! It’s seen A LOT of stuff go down.

Free And Clear


“Hi, I’d like to take advantage of your offer of the free wi-fi. It’s free, right?”

“Yes, that’s correct. For just one payment of $59.99 is completely free. You don’t need to buy anything except for the wi-fi to get it without any cost.”

“Wait, so I don’t have to buy anything except for the wi-fi, and then I can get it for free? That’s it?? Wow, that’s such a great deal! Please take my credit card.”

What's In A Name


Thanks for the handy life hack, random sign! Our lives are enriched by this handy tip.

But what if the barista spells her name wrong? Because it’s more likely than not that’s going to happen. It’s just statistics.

You’re going to be calling the girl by the name “Grenvienne” when her name is actually “Monica.” And honestly, you’re going to get more in trouble for that than if you had just forgotten her name. Own your mistake!

Treat Yo Self


We’re normally so worried about treating ourselves to Girl Scouts because of all the calories.

But you know what they say. You only live once! And why not go all out and indulge? To hell with the calories!

Treat yourself to all the Girl Scouts you want, as long as it’s in moderation and you’ll be fine. You can always burn off the calories later. You might as well live your life and enjoy eating small children!

Bobbing Along


What’s so special about this Bob guy where he needs a whole sign cautioning people to keep him safe?

Is he magic or something? Or is he the son of the mayor? What sets him apart from all the other people who share the road?

What if we don’t keep Bob safe? And what if we don’t need him? Because until there’s an explanation why we need him, we don’t feel compelled to drive safely around him.

Smart and Final


There’s one day a year that the whole school dreads. And there’s nothing they can do to get out of it.

And everyone has to participate, whether they think they’re fine and can get out of it nor not. There are no excuses for it.

That’s right. School assembly day is completely hated by everyone in the whole school. Wait, what day did you think we were talking about? Anal exam day? No, that’s everyone’s favorite day at school.

Give And Take


You know what they say, if you have to make a sign about something it means there’s been a problem with it in the past.

So every time you see a sign telling you not to do something, it means someone did it before.

If nobody did it, they wouldn’t need to warn against it. That’s just logic plain and simple. So while we have so many questions about why this sign is here, we know it’s there for a reason.

Paper Or Not Paper


PSA: Formatting your sign is important. You can’t just put random words on a piece of paper and expect it to make sense.

There needs to be an order to what you write. It needs to have a specific meaning.

Because otherwise you end up with something like this and we have no idea what this person meant, but we don’t think we’re reading what they wanted us to read. At least that’s what we hope. Good lord, how we hope.

Moving On Up


Thank goodness this sign is here to warn people. Otherwise they might get off the elevator on the 9th floor and step into a gaping hole where the floor used to be.

This sign is literally saving lives by being there.

It was really hard ripping out an entire floor and moving it to another floor. And it’s going to be even harder to rip it out and put it back where it was. But, hey, that’s life!

Private Parts


If you post this sign, you’re basically asking for it to be read. Right from the word “private.”

When you tell anyone to keep out, they’re going to try to get in. It’s almost a law of physics.

So if you want nobody to read your sign, post a sign that’s blank. That way, nobody will even want or try to read it. You’ll have a nice, private unread sign, just like you want.  Seriously, this idea is fool proof.

No Fear


There’s nothing to fear but signs that contradict themselves. That you should fear like you’ve never feared anything before.

But also, you should look on the bright side of it. Every fear has a silver lining, a silver lining marked with a horror movie sting.

Your fears really aren’t that bad if you just smile. Turn that blood curling scream inside out and into a smile, and the serial killer who’s chasing you won’t be able to hurt you!

Wet And Wild


This sign has got your back, even if nobody else will. They’ll just say things like, “That should be obvious.”

And they’ll say things like, “You really don’t need a sign to tell you that you can’t breathe under the water.”

And they’ll say other things like, “How did you make it this far in life without realizing that if you try to breathe under the water you’ll end up sucking in water and then you’ll drown?”

Cool Pool


This is good to know. Really, really good to know. Because if someone’s going to advertise these services, they need to clarify.

And they have to use a different truck for both. Because if they don’t, it’s false advertising and they could get in a lot of trouble for that.

Of course, you don’t really know it’s false advertising until you find out the hard way and end up with either a chlorinated septic tank or a really nasty swimming pool.

Power Plant


We really don’t want to touch this power strip. It looks super dangerous, like it could give us a really gnarly electroshock.

But the sign said please, and since it was being really nice, we kind of want to do what it says.

See, you can get anyone to do anything as long as you use good manners. Even if the person thinks that doing it might hurt them a lot. It’s fine if you say please!

Bread And Butter

We can totally help this hotel prevent fires, we’re more than happy to honor that request.

But we cannot – not  – stop buttering our bread while it’s in the toaster. Telling us not to is like taking away our right to exist!

This is a hill we will die on. We love buttering our toast while it’s in the toaster, no matter what the cost is. And if every hotel in the world burns down, then so be it!