There Are Bad Days And Then There Are Days Like These
Some days are better than others, is what an optimist would say. Some days are worse than others, is what these people would say. WAY. WORSE. Life can be pretty brutal sometimes, and luckily, we are now in an age where you can document all of the uh-ohs and oh-craps and I-can’t-believe-I-just-did-that moments in our lives (and in other people’s lives). At least this way, we can laugh about all of the horrible things that happen to us, and then it doesn’t sting so bad (lie – it still stings). You just have to laugh through the pain, you know? Otherwise you’ll cry. And you don’t want to do that.
Reality Vs. Expectation
These people are definitely having a worse day than you. That’s a nice thought to have to remain optimistic, but you can only be optimistic for so long before disaster strikes you. Take this optimistic person, for instance.
They were so excited about their massive, sugary Dunkin Donuts coffee drink. And then life took hold, shook hard, and let them know who was really boss. Suddenly, their Dunkin Donuts turned more into “Dunkin D’oh-nuts.” Am I right?
Well, that idea blew up in his face, didn’t it? Can you imagine being covered in a Snuggy-sized amount of chewed up bubble gum? Gross! Although, this guy definitely had it coming. After all, everyone knows what happens when a bubble gum bubble pops… and it’s never good.
His biggest mistake was not putting on a poncho beforehand. If he were really prepared, that popped bubble would have been a cinch to clean up. Just a little tip: Ladies, don’t try this at home. You will have to cut off all your hair if there’s this much bubble gum in it.
Spray Tan Drama
This one’s for all of the ladies (and fellas!) that have ever gotten a spray tan. You know the drill: You DO NOT go near water or anything that will make you sweat for hours. That isn’t just a recommendation. That’s the only way to achieve a flawless, Victoria’s Secret-model-esque golden glow.
However, there’s one thing you can’t really control sometimes: your tears. Buckle up, lady. Those tears are going to be there for a while. They ain’t going nowhere.
“Her milkshake brings all the glass to her face. And they’re like, all over her face.” That’s the new Kellis jam everyone’s gonna be pumping next year. Inspiration: this gal. This might be a blessing in disguise.
Sure, this’ll drive up the cost of her dry cleaning bill this month. But what if the day after this happened she learned she was lactose intolerant? This is a milky bullet dodged, and her stomach may thank her for it.
Customer: “Excuse me, waiter. We’ve been waiting here over an hour. That is correct. ONE. HOUR. We weren’t served any bread, no one came by to refill our drinks and finally – FINALLY – after all that, this is what they bring to our table.
Look, I’m a patient person, but I have to ask: Just what in the heck is this supposed to be?”
Waiter: “It’s our, er, um… ‘bottomless meat and potatoes’ dish?”
Customer: “…oh, that’s good. Well played, sir. Well played.”
The Plusses And Minuses Of Driving A Fiat
Advantages: Easy to park and has good gas mileage. Not only will this save you money, but your carbon footprint will be reduced. The planet and all of its inhabitants will thank you. Go green, everyone. GO GREEN!
Because she forgot to add a comma between “cereal” and “guys,” it seems like she may have gotten busy with Cap’n Crunch. Hopefully it’s just a sunburn. Because Cap’n Crunch is kind of skeezy. (Come on, you know it’s true.)
After all, he spends all of his time on a boat, so he knows the dangers of sunburns, and he didn’t offer any to her. Milk isn’t the only white liquid you should be encouraging folks to use, you know. Be responsible, Crunch. And be better.
This poor guy. He just crashed face first into a fence and his friend is like, “I’ll be right there. Let me take a picture first!” What a jerk! But also, he had the right idea. This picture is too perfect. If you’re ever having a terrible day, there’s always a silver lining.
Unfortunately, that silver lining is often how much pleasure others are getting from your pain. So, while it hurts, take pride in being altruistic. And take pride in the fact that you were part of a photo that Wile E.Coyote would be proud of.
Some Terrain Vehicle
“I don’t think that’s what they meant by taking the car pool lane, Dad.”
“Is it because this was an inappropriate time to make a joke due to the massive stress incurred by the litigation that’s sure to come from this?
New Take On An Old Classic
It’s a PB&JWTHWIT sandwich.
That stands for, “Peanut Butter and Jesus, What the Hell Was I Thinking?” Sandwich. You ever get so tired that you absentmindedly throw your freshly peanut butter-ed piece of toast in the sink instead of your knife?
Worse yet, have you ever been so hungry you think, “Eh, it’s just a little bit of soap. What’s the worst that could happen? I made this, and by Jove, I’m gonna eat the heck out of it no matter what.
What? Just us?
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the saddest man in the whole entire world. What a trash day, am I right? If you’re having a worse day than this poor guy, I’d love to hear it. Whenever you’re feeling down, you can always comfort yourself by saying,
“Well, at least I don’t have to pick up thousands of pieces of trash on the side of the road in the blistering cold while passing drivers laugh at me.”
So at least you got that going for you…which is nice
That sucks. Now this guy has to relieve his stress the old-fashioned way…by taking a deep breath. What did you think I was talking about? Jeez. The bottle clearly says “stress relief” on it, and breaking it is sure to cause plenty of anxiety.
Plus, it looks like some kind of moisturizer, so that stress is going to cause a lot of wrinkles and skin damage. What a vicious cycle. If only there were some other way to unwind…can’t think of what tho.
Fireman: “Hey, bro. Get off that ledge. Your life can’t be that bad!”
*guy on the ledge shows the top of this soda can*
Fireman: “Well, damn. I guess go ahead and jump. We’ll catch you, but we understand your desire now.
And was that one of those cans with your name on it? Man, it’s like the universe is telling you there’s no hope in even trying anymore. We’re not gonna tell you it’s going to be okay, because it probably won’t be.”
Co-worker: “You know what they say… You can’t make an omelette without –”
Egg Inspector: “Say one more word and I’ll destroy you, Steve.”
Co-worker: “I’m just saying, I have a bunch of diced peppers and ham in my cubicle.
We can just mix them in with this mess, fry it up, and have ourselves a massive Denver omelette.”
Egg Inspector: “You’re fired. Clear out your desk. I don’t want to find a single ham cube or pepper in there tomorrow.”
He can choose jump or wait for someone to put the ladder back up. I choose the latter. Heyo! But seriously, this is an extremely stressful, dangerous situation and hopefully someone came by and helped them out.
Otherwise, they may still be sitting up on that roof at this very moment. They may be reading this on their phone as it slowly runs out of battery. If that’s the case… stop screwing around on the internet and call for help, you fool!