Funny

Things We Think That Only We Do But Everyone Does

By lheidi - April 15, 2019
Credits: http://www.reddit.com

We all do it. You know, that one weird thing that you think only you do, so you never tell a soul about it because you fear that you will be judged and ostracized. You know, that thing that would get you a one way ticket to a deserted island where you’d be forced to live as a social pariah for the rest of your days if anyone ever found out? Guaranteed, somebody else does it. No, guaranteed everyone else does it. And they don’t want to tell anyone else about it, because they also fear that one way ticket to that deserted island. But the secret is, that island would be pretty well populated.

We know you’re curious about those strange things that other people do (that you happen to also do but would never admit). So click on through and see the strange things we all do. We promise you’re not alone in doing them!

Checking For Murderers In The Backseat Of Your Car

Credits: http://www.nighthelper.com

Everyone checks the backseats of their cars for murderers when they’re driving alone at night.

Even if there aren’t any murderers, have never been any murderers, and will never be any murderers, you still have to check.

We’ve all heard too many urban legends when we were kids to not check. Looking in the backseat of your car is just safety. Because the  one time you don’t look in the back of your car, that’s the time you’re gonna get murdered.

Not Saying 'What' When You Don't Hear The Other Person

Credits: http://www.pinterest.com

Sometimes someone will say something and you’ll completely miss whatever it was that they were saying.

And of course, the reasonable thing to do would be to ask, “What?” and have the person repeat what they said.

But nobody does that. You just nod your head and pretend like you heard whatever it was the person said and hope that it wasn’t important. Because if that comes back in the conversation, you’re completely screwed and your perfect plan is foiled.

Pretending You Can Open Automatic Doors With Your Mind

Credits: http://www.ramblingbeachcat.com

Automatic doors don’t open because of mind control. They open because they’re operated by machines. Everyone knows that.

But you still can’t help yourself. You pretend like the sliding doors are operated by your mind, and they open and close at your whim.

You also do this with elevator doors. If you didn’t control them with your awesome mind powers, nobody would be able to get in or out. They’d all just be stuck there, begging you to open it!

Yelling At Your Not Working Computer

Credits: http://www.imgflip.com

If something isn’t working, like your computer or your phone or your TV, there’s one thing you can do that will always get it to work.

Yelling at the object will always make it better. There’s no way it can’t.

If you just yell at something until it works, eventually it’s going to listen to you and start working. Why would anyone ever need to take their computer to Apple Care when they could just scream at it for an hour?

Checking The Time... And Then Checking It Again

Credits: http://www.phandroid.com

Your phone is pretty handy, because you can just check it to see what the time is.

But you always end up checking it, putting it away, forgetting what time it was, and then checking it again.

Every. Single. Damn. Time. Even if you knew what time it was before you checked your phone, you always still forget it. It’s almost as if your screen has amnesia powers as a way for you to keep on looking at it.

Thinking About Your Name During Roll Call

Credits: http://www.medium.com

If someone is calling out names, you’re going to just sit through the entire roll call thinking about your name.

You’re just concentrating on it really hard, so that way when your moment comes, you can get it out correctly.

You’re just thinking “David. David” over and over again, but somehow, whenever the time comes it always comes out more along the lines of “Groof.” That’s not even a name, and it’s not your name. But it’s what you said.

Going Through The Whole Alphabet In Your Head

Credits: http://www.ebay.com

Whenever you have to figure out where something goes in the alphabet, it’s going to take you a long time.

Because you have to go through the entire alphabet in your head to figure out where it goes.

And you’re singing it too, just like you did in kindergarten. There is no other efficient way to figure out if “T” or “S” goes first. You’re going through all 26 letters just to figure out where two of them go.

Sitting In Your Car To Hear The End Of Your Favorite Song

Credits: http://www.dissolve.com

Whenever your favorite song comes on in the car, you’re going to listen to the whole thing.

Even if you get to your destination before the end of the song. You’re just going to sit in your car and wait it out.

Even if you just pulled up to your own wedding. You’re going to sit in that hot car, sweating in your gown, waiting to hear just the last bits of “You Really Got a Hold On Me.”

Saving Your Work More Than You Should

Credits: http://www.imgur.com

Saving your work is important. You should always remember to save your work from time to time.

But we don’t just save our work from time to time. We save our work all the time. More times than we should.

Even if we literally just hit “save” and haven’t made any new changes, we’re still going to hit “save.” You know, just in case. Because nobody wants to lose all that work they did in the past two seconds.

Checking Behind The Shower Curtain

Credits: http://me.me

When you take a shower, there are always a couple of things you do each and every time.

You take off all your clothes, because they can’t get wet. You turn on the water, because that’s the whole point of taking a shower.

And you check behind the shower curtain for murderers! They’re lurking everywhere, even though you’ve never actually seen one. There might be one behind that curtain this time! Better be safe than murdered!

Counting On Your Fingers

Credits: http://www.youtube.com

If you need to do math, you’re going to count it out on your fingers.

Even though you’re a grown ass adult. You still can’t do basic addition and subtraction without doing it on your hands, and sometimes feet.

Your teacher said you needed to know math just in case you didn’t have a calculator. Your teacher was a liar, because you’ll always have your fingers and toes! Ha ha! Take that, teacher! We’ll never learn math!

Talking To Your Pets

Credits: http://www.askideas.com

If you have pets, there’s a chance you’re going to talk to them like they can understand what you’re saying.

And if you don’t have pets, you’re probably going to talk to other people’s pets like they can understand what you’re saying.

Because all animals know English. They actually speak it fluently, but they’re just hiding their language skills from us. So if you talk to them, they’re going to get exactly what you’re saying, even if they’re staring blankly at you.

Announcing Your Arrival Even If You're Alone

Credits: http://fusionmovies.to

If you come home and you’re alone, you still announce that you’ve arrived – especially if you live solo.

You’re going to say, “Hi Honey! I’m home!” even if there’s no honey there waiting for you. It’s almost like you need to let your fridge know that you’ve arrived.

And if you live alone, you’re going to start telling your couch and your bookshelf how your day was. They’re good listeners. They never interrupt you when you’re talking to them.

Checking Your Fridge For No Reason

Credits: http://www.pinterest.com

When you’re hanging out at home, there’s going to be some part of the evening where you get up and go to the fridge.

Even if you’re not hungry. You’re just going to open that thing and stare at it for minutes.

It’s almost like you’re trying to check to see if the light comes on every time you open it. (And spoiler: it always does.) You just want to check and make sure, just in case this time is different.

Reading Your Email After You Send It (Too Late!)

Credits: http://www.theamericangenious.com

When you send out an email, you’re gonna go back and read that email you just sent.

It’s too late to make any changes. You already know what you wrote. But each and every time, right after you click “send” you’re going to go back and read it.

It’s almost like you’re expecting that, for some reason, rereading it is going to unwrite anything you shouldn’t have said, or fix any typos that you made. That won’t do anything!

Picking Stuff Up With Your Toes

Credits: http://jenboote.blogspot.com

If you drop something on the floor, there’s a good chance you’re going to feel too lazy to bend over to pick it up.

But you’re still going to pick it up. Just not with your hands. With your feet.

Why else would we have toes if they weren’t there for us to pick things up with? They’re basically baby fingers. And if you practice enough, you can get good at it, so you’ll never need to use your hand fingers again!

Checking For Your Keys Even Though You Know You Have Them

Credits: http://www.wonderfulandwild.com

Nobody wants to get locked out of their car or their house. It’s just a pain in the butt.

Everybody checks to see if they have their keys, even though they know they already have them.

You might even be holding your keys in your hand, but you’re still going to double check to make sure that they’re there. That’s the only way you know that you have them, by checking for them eighty times before you leave the house.

Buying A Bunch Of Stuff When You Only Need One Thing

Credits: http://www.oddee.com

If you go to the store to buy just one thing, you’re not going to be coming home with just one thing.

You’re going to buy like ten other things to hide the fact that you needed just one thing.

There are entire industries built upon the fact that they know you won’t buy only nail clippers. Why else would anyone ever buy gum? To chew it? No! It’s to hide the fact that you’re only buying one thing.

Counting The Stairs

Credits: http://www.reddit.com

Everybody counts the steps when they’re going up or down a staircase.

It’s like everybody in the world has OCD on just this one, specific thing. It might not even be possible to go on the stairs without counting how many steps you’ve taken.

If you want to escape the hell of having to count your steps, you might be better of taking the escalator. Because there’s only one step you take – unless you start climbing it like stairs.

Making The Same Weird Hand Gesture

Credits: http://www.reddit.com

There are some hand gestures that are universal. For example, the middle finger. We all know what that means.

But there’s also the “what are you doing?” hand gesture. If you toss that baby up in any country, the other person is going to know you think they’re an idiot.

It’s just a simple, effective way to show someone you don’t know why they’re cutting you off in traffic. And to drive the point home, you can toss up a middle finger, too!