Workplace Signs That Are Passive As They Are Aggressive
You don’t get to pick who you work with. If you did, nobody would ever end up being forced to work with their mortal enemy. And nobody would ever write passive-aggressive notes for said mortal enemy, letting them know that the creamer in the fridge is not to be touched, looked at, or thought about under any circumstances. It is not communal. Someone had to buy it and put it there, and that person was you. You will be fingerprinting it later to see if anyone even so much as grazed it.
Apparently, it’s pretty common to work with your mortal enemy, and these notes are evidence of that. It’s a relief to know you’re not alone. That everyone has to deal with someone at work sending out pointless memos or flushing so much toilet paper down the toilet that it clogs. So click through and commiserate with these people who had to deal with some real jerks at work.
Let It Go
Accidents happen. That’s why it’s important to keep track of workplace safety statistics, and the number of accidents.
You never know when someone is going to start belting out “Let it Go” from their desk. It could happen at any moment.
A workplace that doesn’t have its employees jumping up and pretending like they’re Elsa is a happy workplace, but it’s also a safe workplace. You’re safe from getting that damn song stuck in your head again.
Spoilers are everywhere, even the places you least expect them. You gotta keep yourself safe from finding out what happens.
You can avoid going on the Internet. You can refuse to look at your phone for any reason whatsoever.
But probably the safest thing to do is move to a cabin in the middle of nowhere. Find a place where there’s no cell service or any other person for at least ten miles. Some random deer isn’t going to spoil it for you!
TFW you want someone to eat your bananas, but then you’re mad when it actually happens.
There are three different notes here, and we’re not sure which one we should trust. Do we listen to the middle one, or the top one?
The bottom one is the longest, so maybe that’s the one that has the most authority? But the top one is the shortest, which means it’s the easiest to read. Ugh, this is so confusing!
If you want people to listen to you, you have to get their attention first.
And the best way to do that is by using a fun font. Don’t use wingdings, because nobody can read that. It doesn’t even come out as real words, just pictures.
Although, wingdings is arguably the funnest font around. We would really like to see more people learn how to read wingdings just so we can start using it in everyday life.
If you’re going to accuse an editor of microwave misuse, you better be prepared to face the consequences.
And, trust us, the consequences are pretty steep. You’re going to have your grammar corrected in front of the whole office to see.
There’s nothing worse than the grammar police. Nobody likes getting called out on using the wrong “their” or “there” or “they’re.” There are three different options. We know which one is right, but our spell check doesn’t.
At least this hair wasn’t hanging on a sandwich for six months. That would be way worse.
For starters, nobody would be able to eat the sandwich, and an uneaten sandwich is just a tragic waste.
For finishers, who would keep a sandwich hanging around for six months? It would probably get all gross. It would be even grosser than having a hair on it. And if it didn’t get gross, well, a sandwich that is still good for six months is nasty.
Takes The Cake
And that was the birthday that led to all other office birthday celebrations getting cancelled.
It only takes one jerk who thinks they’re a rebel to shut it down for everyone. Thanks a lot, Steve from accounting!
There will be no more birthdays. There will be no more cake in the break room. This office will now be a sober place where fun is forbidden under penalty of death. Well, maybe not death, but at least a very stern talking to!
Leave A Note
Listen, everyone in this office has a complaint about what’s been going on in the fridge.
Even the fridge thief has rights, too, you know. And they have rights to steal some decent damn food, okay?
When you’re taking something that isn’t yours, is it too much to ask for something that taste sort of good? Why are the people who are paying for their food like chumps only buying food that isn’t even worth stealing? What is that?
Wow. Okay. What’s the point of this passive aggressive note on this door? For real.
This door is alarmed, which means it’s scared, which means it’s going through something, and doesn’t need sassy employees making fun of it.
Look, we all need to be more respectful of this door. We don’t need to draw attention to and make fun of its feeling. It’s not a nice thing to do. Let’s make this office nice for everyone, including doors.
We knew it! Pressing a button impatiently will always make the thing you’re pressing work faster.
If you’re waiting for an elevator, you need to press the “up” button very rapidly until the elevator comes. One isn’t enough. The elevator gets there faster if you do that.
If you’re waiting for a crosswalk signal, keep on tapping the button as much as you can. That’s what’s going to change the lights and stop traffic so you can cross the street.
“Oh, no! I drank one of Joe’s Red Bulls after he told me not to! He’s going to be so mad at me.
“Maybe if I make a fake Red Bull out of paper, he won’t notice that it’s missing?
“This is a great idea! It looks exactly the same as the other Red Bulls! And it probably tastes the same, too! I’m such a smart person for thinking of this solution! Patting myself on the back now!”
What's In A Name
It is so great to be named “Dave.” First, you have the same name as the guy who owns the chipmunks in Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Second, you’ve got one of the most common men’s names. If you’re in a crowded room, chances are, you’re not the only Dave.
Third, people just give you free stuff because they have the same name as you. They’ve just written the name “Dave” on it. That’s your name, so it’s probably yours.
Spell It Out
Hey, it’s not so easy working in a sarcasm-free environment. It might be easier to find an office without computers or desks than an office without sarcasm.
It’s an important part of office culture. It’s probably more important than teamwork or leadership or working.
Even if you work from home, your home office probably has sarcasm in it. How are people even expected to work without making fun of working all the time? Is that even possible?
Woof. Looks like someone hates Debbie. Actually, it looks like the whole office hates Debbie.
What is this, Gang Up On Debbie Day? Oh, wait, it is? They marked it on the calendar so everyone could plan ahead?
There was also an office-wide memo so everyone could coordinate exactly how they were going to gang up on Debbie on Gang Up On Debbie day? It’s good to know that this office is organized and working together on projects!
The Big Picture
Wow. That’s deep. We didn’t expect going to work and making copies would lead to thinking about existential issues.
This is making us really reflect on a lot. What’s the point of printing documents if, in the long run, it doesn’t matter?
What’s the point of collating if we’re all just living in a chaotic universe that doesn’t care if the reports are in order? And what’s the point of stapling? Okay, that one’s because we can’t find the stapler.
Sometimes working in an office is like having children. It’s like having adult children who should know better than to waste company paper.
And being a boss is like babysitting, but instead of watching kids, you’re keeping adults from being non-productive.
Honestly, an entire kindergarten class hopped up on pixie sticks is easier to manage than an office of adults who are supposed to be quietly working at their desks. We’d rather be in charge of the kids!
“This is the most beautiful mug I have ever laid eyes on! I cannot help myself. I must touch it.”
“As must I. Was this drink ware put on this Earth by gods? For it could not have been crafted by mere mortals.”
“And I must have a touch as well! I know the magic it possesses will rub off on me if I put my finger to it. I know that I am in the presence of something divine!”
“Look. This office has a huge problem with people not flushing the toilet. We need to solve it.”
“What if we do a chore chart, but with flushing the toilet? You know, people will get a gold star if they’ve done it.”
“That sounds like a good idea. Clearly, the honor system isn’t working here. We’ve got to hold people accountable, and we should also reward them for their good behavior. This is a great idea we had!”
You know that your office has stooped to new lows in being passive aggressive when someone prints out a meme and posts it.
It’s like, just go around to everyone’s desk with your phone and show them the meme, like a normal person!
Just be like, “Look at this. This is what you do, and it annoys the heck out of me.” Don’t waste company paper on your pettiness. Use. Your. Phone. Like. An. Adult. Would. Okay.
Okay, but what if you’re eating tuna that’s in the shape of a Swedish fish?
Or what if you’ve put a piece of lox on a goldfish cracker? This note doesn’t take into account that scenario.
Or what if you’re eating a bag of Swedish fish, but you rubbed fish oil all over it, so it still smells like fish, even though theres no actual fish in it. All of these things could legitimately happen at this office.